Mental Wellbeing Showdown: Children vs. Parents – Who Comes First?

Keeping It Real: Your Own Well‑Being Is the Secret Sauce for Raising Happy Kids

Ever been so wrapped up in your kids’ lives that you forget to fill your own cup? That’s a common trap. Parents love to pour all their time and energy into their children’s happiness, but a quick reminder is in order: you can’t help your kids thrive if you’re not thriving yourself.

Remember the Oxygen Mask Story

Airplane pilots are always told to secure their own mask before helping passengers. It’s the same rule at home: first, breathe easy for yourself. Once you’re stable, you’ll naturally be a better guide for your little ones.

What Dr. Ong Mian Li Highlights

Check in with yourself daily. A quick mental check‑in can catch stress before it overflows.
Prioritize sleep. Even a quick 20‑minute power nap can reset your mood.
Stay active. A walk, a stretch, or a dance break helps you metabolize those pesky anxieties.
Seek support. Talking with a friend or therapist can lighten the load—and you don’t have to pretend you’re okay.
Celebrate small wins. Acknowledging tiny victories fuels your own confidence, which will spill over to your kids.

A Quick Takeaway

Think of parenting as a shared ride: you’re in the front seat, and your kids are following you. If you’re jolted by bad vibes, they’ll notice. Keep your own rearview camera—your mental filter—clear, and the journey stays smooth for everyone.

Here’s why parents’ mental well-being is often compromised

Carrying the Weight of the World—One Kid at a Time

Picture this: you’re the family chauffeur, the dinner‑prep wizard, the school‑gone‑helper, the bill‑battling hero, and the grocery‑list connoisseur—all before dawn. By bedtime, you’re wiped out yet blissfully satisfied, because you’ve just pulled off the most epic juggling act of the century.

After all the accolades, Dr Ong reminds us that this whirlwind can be both physically draining and emotionally exhausting. He says caregivers often zone in on the kids, forgetting the crucial rule of thumb: take care of YOU first. Otherwise, the job becomes less “joyful” and more “stress‑factory.”

Why Dumping Caregiver Hat on the Floor is Bad (‘ish)

Every day throws new curveballs: extra chores, lifestyle tweaks, and freaky, out‑of‑control surprises. It’s common to feel nagged, guilty, or alone—and even see actual stress kicks in, like headaches or sleepless nights. That’s why a dash of self‑care is not a luxury; it’s a survival kit.

Dr Ong sums it up: “It’s not selfish to focus on yourself. It’s essential.”

Quick‑Fix Steps Dr Ong Suggests

Schedule “Me‑Time” – Even a 10‑minute pause to sip coffee, stretch, or read helps reset the brain.
Set Clear Boundaries – Say “yes” to what’s doable; “no” protects your sanity.
Delegate When Possible – Ask a younger sibling to bring homework home or let a partner run a shopping errand.
Keep a Gratitude Log – Jot down three wins each day. It turns chaos into a rhythm.
Mind‑Body Sync – Short workouts, deep breathing, or a quick walk can cut stress spikes.
Seek Support – Talk with other caregivers or a professional—sharing makes it lighter.
Revisit Your Schedule – Flex your calendar to accommodate unexpected shifts.

Final Words—You’re a Superhero, But Even Superheroes Need a Power‑Down

We all want those proud moments when the family sleeps blissfully. But remember: the best superhero always takes time to recharge. If you refuel your own tank, the whole crew gets to stay pumped.

1. Recognise the common signs of stress

Feeling Burnt Out? Here’s a Friendly Quick‑Check

Messy house, extra chores, and never enough “me time”? You might be on the brink of what Dr. Ong calls stress overload—but the real kicker is that you often don’t notice it until your body starts reminding you.

Spotting the Red Flags (and Yes, They’re All Legit)

Anger, frustration, or anxiety that just won’t quit—especially when your loved one’s needs feel like a never‑ending circus.
Headaches, back pain, or sniffles that pop up for no reason.
Insomnia that leaves you scrolling recipes instead of sleeping.
Rising reliance on alcohol, over‑the‑counter meds, or other stuff to reset the day.
That sinking feeling of grief or hopelessness—like your favorite bowl of cereal suddenly tastes bland.
Jokes feel flat, and your humor has gone into hibernation.
Lost interest in hobbies that once excited you.
Unexpected bursts of tears or emotional outbursts that leave you wondering why the dog is now the emotional support.
Neglecting your own health: eating too much or too little, skipping workouts, and ending up physically run‑down.

Why It’s Okay to Admit All This

Often, we bargain with ourselves, thinking “I can keep up.” But recognizing the symptoms is the first superhero move toward self‑care. It’s not a sign of weakness; it’s a step toward protecting your sanity.

Dr. Ong’s Take

“If you spot even one of these signs, stop, breathe, and give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling.” He stresses that understanding what’s really going on is key. Once you know the root triggers, you can tweak your routine before it spins you out of control.

Small Changes, Big Impact

Set a weekly “self‑check” calendar reminder.
Call a friend or therapist—they’re not just for the tough days.
Implement a “no‑screen” rule for at least 30 minutes before bed to ditch the scrolling.
Make a guilt‑free plan for a 10‑minute walk; your body loves it.

Remember, you’re not alone. High‑traffic life can feel like juggling flaming swords. But with a few mindful tweaks, you’ll regain control, laugh a little more, and—most importantly—keep your sanity intact.

2. Identify your sources of stress

What’s the Sobering Backstage in Stress?

Now that you’ve got the “gotcha” picture of how stress looks and feels, it’s time to dig into the drama behind the curtain.

Typical Stress Triggers – the classic recipe that turns calm into chaos

Too‑Much-to‑do Load – Ever feel like your inbox is a black hole? When your tasks multiply faster than a herd of rabbits, the pressure rises like a hot coffee, steaming you right into your shoes.
Future‑fuzziness – The unknown can be a conversationally scary, spider‑web‑style wrench to your nerves. Luck raw, your brain will start Wondering‑if‑you’ve spilled a good salad. (Spoiler alert: It’s just uncertainty.)
Family Disagreements – A heated “sit back, we’re stuck” kind of argument can feel like waking up to a thunderstorm even on a sunny day.
Feelings of Inadequacy – The self‑doubt that whispers, “I’m not doing enough,” layers onto your day, stealth‑mode, like a low‑frequency hum that your head finally feels ragged.
<b“Not Saying No” Habit – Naaaa, you can’t say “No” to everything. Your brain quickly transforms all sorts of invitations into a laundry list of might‑’ve may‑be. That ‘no‑synth’ – sometimes shockingly, a catalyst to breaking the stress!

3. Categorise your sources of stress

Managing Stress Like a Pro

Hey there! Dr. Ong’s secret? Spot the stressors first, then mix them up like a cocktail—cool, right?

Step 1: Spot the Stressors

Take a glance at your day. Arrange the chaos into categories—work mountain, social traffic, that weird deadline, and the endless email chain.

Step 2: Deal With the Biggie

Got a gigantic to-do list and a tiny clock? Ask someone to pad your plate.
If it’s something you can tweak at home, chip in and make a plan—timeline + buffer time.

Step 3: Stay on Top

Predict the storm. Spot the hitch before it hits. That’s the core of good stress‑sipping: anticipate rather than react.

Step 4: Focus on Your Control

Some stress is a prayer‑matter—spend energy on what you can influence. Anything beyond that? Let it slide or delegate.

In short: label, slice, and manage. Then breathe easy and enjoy the smoother ride!

4. Managing your stress: Making an action plan

Step One: Take the Reins—Start With What You Can Handle

Got a mom‑or‑dad bone‑crushing feeling on the back of your neck? First, knead it by focusing only on the bits you can actually flip on. Pick the changes that fire you up or that feel like a piece of cake—no lofty “I’ll become a super‑hero” stuff for now.

Craft a Plan—Like a Roadmap, But For Your Brain

What’s the Stressor? All‑out energy spent taking care of the little ones.
What’s the Goal? Pull back that anger and the gloom that snuck in when you stopped walking with friends.
How to Get There?
1. Ask your partner to hand over a few duties when you can.
2. Hit the pavement—walk for 15‑min when they’ve got the carkeys.

Make It SMART—No, Not a Unicorn, But It Gets the Job Done

Specific – “I’ll hit the trail for 15 minutes.”
Measurable – Check the clock, keep a sticky note.
Achievable – Start small; no marathon right from the start.
Relevant – It fixes the feeling of being stuck.
Time‑bound – Set a weekly schedule.

Dr. Ong’s Warm‑Hearted Advice

Breaking big tasks into bite‑size pieces will keep you from looking like you’re trying to lift the planet. Each tiny win gives you a clearer peek at the destination—so you can enjoy the ride.

Reach out to trust communities for support

Finding Your Tribe: Why Talking About Feelings Matters

Dr. Ong’s take: It’s a real knot to air out your emotions, but when you open up to a trusted crew, the tension starts melting away and your resilience builds like a stubborn concrete wall.

Got a problem that won’t solve itself?

Some challenges are like those stubborn ties you can’t undo in a short time—so there isn’t a quick fix.
Instead of hunting for solutions, the real game is being backed up by someone who genuinely cares.
That emotional safety net is key, and pinpointing the right community can lift you up.

The NTUC First Campus Child Support Model

Launched in 2016, the NFC Child Support Model started as a lifeline for kids from low‑income, vulnerable families.

Fast forward a few years and the initiative has grown. Now, it also tackles mental wellbeing, offering a supportive space for parents and kids alike to vent, share, and grow stronger together.

Why it’s a game changer

Provides a safe place to share.
Offers mental health resources.
Creates a network that actually cares.

So next time your worries feel like a mountain, remember: sharing them with a community not only lightens the load, but also gives you the resilience to keep climbing.

Caring for the Caregivers: Dr. Ong’s Super‑charged Workshops

Ever feel like your caring heart is about to hit the brakes? Dr. Ong’s latest initiative is here to keep you moving—without the crash! He’s piloting a fresh batch of workshops that put your mental well‑being front and center.

What’s the Deal?

Targeted Training – Child Enabling Executives are getting the low‑down on how to tackle caregiver burnout.
Hands‑on Guidance – Sessions run by Dr. Ong himself; you’ll hear straight from the source.
Family‑Focused Support – The program’s not just about kids. It’s a holistic approach covering the whole family.

Inside the Child Support Model

The Child Support Model is a multi‑pronged powerhouse that covers financial and developmental needs of the child and the people keeping them alive: the caregivers.

Key perk: “In‑house” Child Enabling Executives are tied to identified families. Their daily check‑ins check in on how the family is holding up.

Think of these check‑ins as a friendly nudge—making it possible to spot problem spots before they balloon into a full‑blown crisis.

Why Everyday Check‑Ins Matter

Spotting Stress Early – A friendly note or quick call can uncover hidden worries.
Providing Rapid Relief – With early detection, help is offered at just the right moment.
Building Trust and Comfort – Knowing someone cares creates a ripple of safety that spreads through the family.

So if the world feels heavy, just remember: there’s a dedicated team ready to give you a gentle boost. Dr. Ong’s workshops are all about turning the spotlight on your own well‑being—because caring for the caregivers is the best way to keep everyone thriving.

Self-care for the win

Taking Care of Yourself First

Think of self‑care like the battery that keeps your parenting phone charged. It’s not a fancy gadget—just a few simple habits that keep you feeling good enough to tackle the chaos of raising kids.

Nutrition, Movement, & Mindfulness

Mindful Meals – Instead of grabbing whatever’s on hand, actually taste your food. Helps you stay alert and keeps the kitchen from turning into a battleground.
Move Your Body – Exercise is a survival skill. Even a quick stroll or a mini dance‑party in the living room can reset your mood.
Relax & Renew – Sleep, meditation, or a quiet cup of tea. A rested you is a kinder, calmer parent.
Be Substance‑Smart – Limit sugary snacks, cut back on caffeine, and skip the “just one” extra drink.
Check‑ups Matter – Keep regular health screenings in your calendar; staying healthy now means you’ll be able to chase your kids later.

Give Yourself a Pause

We all know the phrase “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” Take a real bottle of time away from being a super‑hero. If you’re a nature lover, wander through the woods; if you’re a spa‑fan, book a mud mask (or a microwave‑mug‑drinks alternative). Just carve out a day where you comes first.

Build Your Village

Kids really do bloom better with a community of folks cheering them on. If your little one shows serious behavioural hiccups, no shame in reaching out to professionals—think of it as a family upgrade. Whether it’s a school counselor or a specialist, a fresh perspective can make all the difference.

Remember: Parenting Is a Marathon

There’s no shortcut to a happy, healthy family. It’s a long‑term, steady‑pace journey. Keep your own wheels greased and your energy topped up, and you’ll be better equipped to bring out the best in your children.

Author Spotlight

Ong Mian Li, Ph.D. – A seasoned clinical child and adolescent psychologist who has spent a decade helping families and kids navigate mood, anxiety, and developmental challenges. After a postdoctoral fellowship at Mayo Clinic, he now collaborates with NTUC First Campus, boosting mental health initiatives for the betterment of the next generation.

Want to know more about how criticism affects a kid’s confidence? Check out the eye‑opening read: Are You Fond of Criticising Your Kid? Here’s What It Can Do to Their Self‑Esteem.