From Nightmare to Recovery: Fiona’s Story
1. A Childhood Shadowed by Fear
Fiona—aka “The Girl Who Didn’t Pick Up the Phone” because she dreaded calling home—had a stepdad who turned every return trip into a terrifying waiting room. It wasn’t until she was nine that the darkness deepened when he started abusing her in moments when no one could hear.
Key Moments:
- First abuse at age 9, while alone with her stepfather.
- She kept the secret to herself for half a decade.
- Only in her early 30s did she let a best friend in.
“It was a huge relief,” Fiona says, explaining that letting the secret out felt like finally unplugging a circuit where her mind had been humming a low note for years.
2. The Turning Point – Getting Help
While still in secondary school, with a friend by her side, Fiona turned to a teacher who heard her out loud. The teacher took her case to the police, and suddenly the whole system—school counsellors, Child Protective Service (CPS)—kicked into action.
- Therapy sessions were lined up.
- She moved in with her aunt for safety.
- It was a roller‑coaster: one step forward, two steps back.
She still felt like a hostage—“He still had a hold over me,” she recalls. Her teen years were marred by depression and self‑harm, a stark reminder that the abuse didn’t just stop the moment it occurred.
3. The Legal Lull and the Decision to Forgive
The legal system remained silent; the case never made it to court. In her early 20s, the same oppressive environment was resurrected when Fiona moved back to live with her stepdad and mother.
“I realized forgiving him was the best thing for myself,” she says. “I didn’t want him to hold power over me any more.”
4. The Wider Reality – How Abuse Often Untangles
Unlike Fiona’s case, many perpetrators face gallows to a prison sentence. Here are two recent sob stories:
- On Nov 8, a 46‑year‑old who molested his stepdaughter got 37 months in jail plus three cane strokes. The abuse stretched from Primary 3 to Secondary 1.
- On Oct 18, a 50‑year‑old raped his 11‑year‑old daughter after a (misleading) fengshui warning and received a 23‑year custodial term.
Even when the criminals are held down, the victims often end up in a different prison: the one of trauma and unhealed scars.
5. Why It’s Not Just a Legal Issue – The Human Cost
Margaret Thomas, president of Women for Action & Research (Aware), emphasizes the lifelong ripple effects:
“The child often shoulders guilt, feels unworthy, and sees the world as unsafe. A single abuse can turn a bright future into a gloom‑filled maze.”
6. Child Protective Service (CPS) – When and How They Step In
Ministry of Social & Family Development (MSF) explains CPS primarily tackles intra‑family abuse—almost 90% of cases are about parents or step‑parents.
- If the alleged abuser is a family member and the child can stay safely, CPS collaborates with caregivers.
- When a child’s safety is at stake, CPS moves them to foster care or a children’s home.
- Therapy is offered—through MSF psychologists and the Clinical & Forensic Psychology Service.
- Post‑case, families may need to pay for external counseling not covered by MSF.
7. Fiona’s Words of Wisdom
“Triggers still exist,” she says, urging sufferers to lean on trusted friends or trusted networks. “Life becomes better after the darkness ends. You can show the perpetrator that you’ve built something grander than their cruelty.”
8. Takeaway – Build a Shield Against the Trauma
- Open up—whether to a friend, a teacher, or a counselor.
- Seek professional help—therapy, law, and community support.
- Remember: the past doesn’t have to dictate your future.
Fiona’s story reminds us that even in the bleakest of chapters, there’s a way to rewrite the ending—one with resilience, understanding, and a hopeful sunrise.
Abusers may have been victims of abuse in the past, says expert
A Disturbing Cycle of Abuse
When a 45‑year‑old man was sentenced to 21 years in prison and 24 cane strokes on Oct. 14 for raping his own daughter, his defense team revealed a staggering backstory: he himself had been sexually assaulted by a cousin when he was just eight.
The Early Trauma
- His cousin, a decade older, forced him into an assault that the boy did not understand as “wrong.”
- It wasn’t until he hit 14 that he recognized the experience as sexual assault.
- Those early injuries left him with lingering emotional scars and unresolved feelings.
Ethical Boundaries and Legal Defences
The defense, led by Jonathan Wong and Riko Isaac, argued that the man had no predatory interest in pre‑pubescent children. Yet, the court saw a different picture: an attempt to give his daughter contraceptive pills disguised as cough medicine—a misguided, illegal attempt at control.
Expert Insights on the Root of the Problem
Andrew da Roza, a licensed addiction therapist, explains a chilling link between early abuse and adult sexual misdemeanours:
“Clients with a history of sexual victimisation often develop a fixation on child pornography. Since home life rarely covered healthy sex education, pornography becomes their only reference point.”
He notes that those in positions handling children—teachers, caregivers, coaches—can be particularly dangerous when these urges go unchecked.
Recovery Pathways
- Long‑term vigilance: paying attention to triggers and urges.
- Participation in 12‑step groups like Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.
- Support for families and partners who may feel that the offender was “not aware” of the wrongness.
Da Roza stresses that true professional diagnosis requires clinical‑level distress; simply catching a man in the act isn’t enough. Still, patterns of compulsive porn use, relationship breakdowns, and sexual dysfunction can signal deeper issues.
When Partners Join the Momentum
Often, partners, family, friends or authorities pressure the offender to seek help after the exploitation is uncovered. Da Roza encourages a collective approach: every victim, partner or family member should consider professional support to address the underlying trauma.
In light of the man’s twisted behaviour, the court condemned his sacrifice of his daughter’s safety for a misguided attempt to “protect” her—an act that now lies in the shadows of a painful, personal history of abuse.
Multiple factors behind rise in investigated cases
Child Safety Investigation Surge
Over the past half‑decade, the number of child sexual abuse cases that the Child Protection Services (CPS) has opened a formal inquiry into has exploded – more than tripling from just a handful to over two hundred.
Why the Numbers are Rising
- Better eyes on the problem: the Malaysian Social Work Federation (MSF) has been rolling out sharper screening tools.
- More hand‑on training: social workers, teachers and health staff now receive a deeper dive into spotting the red flags.
- Faster response: with the right clues in place, those professionals can push for help a lot quicker.
Stat for the Proving Ground
Back in 2015, CPS opened just 82 investigations. Fast forward to last year, and that count jumped to 261 – a swing that mirrors MSF’s intensification of its work‑field.
MSF’s Take
“Our ongoing push to strengthen screening instruments and up‑skill the front‑line crew has sharpened everyone’s ability to spot safety concerns and act swiftly,” says an MSF spokesperson. “That’s why we’re seeing so many more cases flagged and followed up.”
A New Wave of Voices—Why the Numbers Are Rising
When reporters asked for clarity, the government spokesperson said the spike in reported cases isn’t a mystery—thanks to a national “awareness blitz” that finally puts people on the same page about what constitutes abuse.
What’s Driving the Surge?
- Education is key: Schools, community talks, and media campaigns have cracked the silence. The more people know, the less they’ll hesitate to speak up.
- Grass‑roots power: Movements sprouting from ordinary folks (think #SpeakUp, #StandWithVictims) are burning brighter than ever, nudging the entire society to confront bullying and harassment.
Dr. Cherie Chan Breaks It Down
“When we chat about #Metoo and similar campaigns, we’re turning abuse from a hidden issue into everyday conversation,” Dr. Chan tells us.
“Now it’s normal to say no—or shout out when something feels off. When adults, even celebrities, make it clear what’s acceptable, that language trickles down to younger people, and they feel empowered to test the waters themselves.”
Why Adults Are the Main Surfer
Despite the uptick in investigations, Aware President Margaret Thomas notes a key pattern: many survivors first come forward only after aging into adulthood. She pinpoints a couple of reasons:
- Children often don’t have the vocabulary to label what’s wrong. They’re too polite or shielded by family dynamics.
- Victims may feel a “protective” bond toward the abuser or other relatives, masking the reality of the abuse until they’re older.
Training for the Shield Warriors
“We can no longer trust unchecked intuition,” Thomas urges. “Parents, guardians, teachers, counsellors, and even the administrators running the school’s noodle‑buggy tea‑time must join a detective squad, trained to spot the telltale signs of physical and behavioral abuse.”
What If We All Take a Detective’s Role?
Imagine every parent getting a crash course in spotting signs of distress or each teacher holding a quick reality check. Tiny shifts in awareness could lead to large leaps in action—finally, a world where no one feels trapped in silence.
SINGAPORE HELPLINES
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Need a Listening Ear? These Hotlines Have You Covered
Feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or just in need of someone to talk to? Don’t face it alone – the Singapore Mental Health Support Network is here to listen, guide, and help you get back on track.
1⃣ Samaritans of Singapore
- Phone: 1800‑221‑4444
- 24/7 crisis helpline. Pick up the phone, and let a friendly listener help you sort through the storm.
2⃣ Singapore Association for Mental Health (SAMH)
- Phone: 1800‑283‑7019
- Support for mental well-being. They’re ready to chat about stress, depression, or any mental health challenge.
3⃣ Care Corner Counselling Centre (Mandarin)
- Phone: 1800‑353‑5800
- 专业中文支持。这里的关注点是要让你在危机时刻感到安全与支持。
4⃣ Institute of Mental Health (IMH)
- Helpline: 6389‑2222
- Expert mental health services. If you need a more formal approach, this line offers professional guidance.
5⃣ Silver Ribbon Singapore
- Phone: 6386‑1928
- Dedicated to emotional support and mental wellness. They’re always on standby to help you navigate tough feelings.
Remember: Talking is the first step toward healing. Reach out, pick up the phone, and let these experts give you the support you deserve. You’re not alone – in Singapore, help is just a call away!
