How to Avoid the Toilet‑Paper Apocalypse (With a Dash of Humor)
When the Mall Turns Into a Battlefield
When the pandemic hit, Europe’s shoppers found themselves in a sudden toilet‑paper frenzy. You’re not alone if you’ve seen a dash of panic on the shelves and a few frantic shoppers battling over that last roll.
The German Calculator That Figures Out How Long You’ll Last
If you’re staring at a pile in your linen closet and wondering how many days it will survive, head to blitzrechner.de/toilettenpapier. Just plug in:
- The number of rolls you’ve got
- Your personal “usage behaviour” (yes, how much you actually use per trip)
- Optional expert mode: add your quarantine length and average sheets per wipe
The tool will spit out the exact number of days your stockpile will stand strong.
Real‑World Advice: Do You Even Need So Much?
The creators of the site admit we’re wildly over‑estimating our needs. For a typical bathroom visit (the good ol’ “number one”), one to two sheets usually do the trick.
When the Shelves Empty: Alternative Strategies
If you discover the shelves are bare, the website offers a few quick fixes:
- Washcloths or old rags cut into strips
- A short shower can do wonders
- Just be sure not to flush kitchen roll – it’s a true toilet clog fan‑boy!
More Than Germany: The Global Toilet‑Paper Calculator Craze
In the UK, a similar tongue‑in‑cheek site called Howmuchtoiletpaper.com popped up, and videos of supermarket scuffles go viral on socials. One incident in Mannheim even escalated to a fistfight requiring police!
Merkel’s Mysterious Shopping Order
While most people were stocking frantic, Angela Merkel set a different example. When off for a Wednesday shopping run, she loaded her trolley with just one pack of toilet paper and four bottles of wine. A masterclass in minimalism!
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