Back to Work and Mother‑Guilt: A Real Life Story
Picture this: just before the big Circuit Breaker hit, life decided to hand me a surprise—layoff while I was on maternity leave. I never set out to become a full‑time stay‑at‑home mum (SAHM for the linguaphiles!), but the pandemic had other plans.
Life as a New Mum
At first, I wanted to take the back seat and let my baby take center stage. Instead of jumping into job hunting right away, I chose to focus on diaper changes, lullabies, and those wondrous baby milestones.
After about a year of practically living in a baby‑bottled bubble, I realized something was missing: the camaraderie of coworkers and that spark of brain‑power that didn’t revolve around sleep schedules or recipe experimentation.
New Plan: Baby M at Auntie’s
When I secured a new gig, my hubby and I decided our one‑year‑old, M, would spend the daytime at my parents’ house. She’d already been there twice a week, so we figured the transition would be smooth.
First day, 9 am. Off I went. Things went smoothly at work, and my parents delivered little M back home in the evening. She cut me a deal‑of‑joy smile that brought me both happiness and a pang of awkwardness.
Night‑time Guilt
That night, I lay in bed, wildly unsure. By midnight, my eyes were sweating—pure mother guilt! I couldn’t believe I’d made my daughter feel left out and, even more, that I enjoyed the day away from her.
It was a raw reminder: returning to work after maternity leave forces you to juggle moods and responsibilities. “Mom guilt” may feel like a plot twist, but it’s as real as the midnight diaper blowup.
Expert Insight
“Going back to work after maternity leave means juggling the demands of multiple roles,” explains Ashwinni Manasseh, a perinatal mental health psychologist at Alliance Counselling. She says it’s essential to recognize these feelings, not fight them.
Key Takeaways for Working Parents
- Honest communication with your partner and childcare provider can ease the transition.
- Remember, it’s okay to miss your baby and also enjoy your own time.
- Seek support networks—friends, family, or professional counseling—to share the weight.
- Reclaim your identity outside motherhood; you’re more than just a mom.
- Remember: balance is not a binary choice—find the sweet spot that works for you.
So here’s to going back to work with a few more smiles, a handful of guilt, and the knowledge that you can do both: be a loving mom while carving out time for yourself. After all, we’re all just trying to keep the baby, and the sanity, in one equation.
Finding Your Rhythm in a Pandemic‑Infused Parenting World
“This requires adjusting your expectations of yourself and being realistic about them.” – A reminder that parenting and work can exist side‑by‑side, but the dance needs a new beat.
When the Whole Plan Goes High‑Jump
- Mom + Job + Baby + Pandemic = a juggling act that can feel “top‑handed” at times.
- My first big twist: coordinating my parents’ pick‑up/drop‑off timing while working on a flex schedule that sometimes stretched into the wee hours after the baby slept.
- We’d hired a nanny briefly just to give my parents a morning break. When the office buzz was in the air again, it was clear we needed a steadier, ever‑present caregiver.
Baby M’s First Day Out, and The Sick‑Leave Saga
Just 14 months old, M hit the baby cold. Suddenly, I was back to the “wonderful” domestic tri‑athlon: hands‑free baby care, coordinating with grandparents, and front‑row office duties. Some days the grind felt more like a vacation.
Returning to Joyful Work After 20 Years
Going back to a job I loved for nearly two decades was energising. It reminded me that investing time for myself could translate into quality cuddle power with my daughter.
Turning “Limited Time” Into “Whole‑Heart Time”
“If you have limited time with your children, focus on quality rather than quantity,” advises my mentor, Manesseh.
When you can’t be with your kid throughout the day, the trick is to be all‑in for the slice you have—no phones, no distractions. Whether it’s dinner, bath, story, or play, that moment strengthens the bond.
Half‑Day School, Grandparents on the Weekend
- After 6 months of tweaking, a balanced routine emerged:
- Structured learning for half a day.
- Grandparents and parents handle the “fun time” post‑school and weekends.
- For me, stepping back from the constant parenting role has boosted mental health. Even when I’m not with M, I make sure every minute counts—whether I’ve homed to focus on work or carved out a self‑care pause.
Closing the Loop
Kids mean life is “always changing.” For now, we’ve found a work‑life balance that feels natural and sustainable for all of us. This post first appeared in The Singapore Women’s Weekly.
