Russia’s New Legal Playbook: “Crimes Against Humanity” Edition
In a surprise twist that’s all the rage in Moscow’s legal circles, Alexander Bastrykin, the chief of Russia’s investigative committee, has announced that 92 Ukrainian troops—yeah, you read that right, 92—have been charged with a crime that never runs out of time: crimes against humanity. Think of it like a never‑ending Netflix series, but with higher stakes.
What the Court Stakeow? (Spoiler: It’s Bad)
- The committee claims over 220 people are on the docket, including senior officers from the Ukrainian Armed Forces and commanders hunkering behind “civilian” regions.
- These alleged egregiously dishonorable acts are said to have no statute of limitations, meaning they can “seriously” never be forgotten.
- Bastrykin said 96 individuals, among them 51 command‑level fighters, are now wanted—the Russian version of a phone‑book headline.
Other Fun Stuff About Ukraine Cases
When it comes to the War Crimes Committee, they’re not just counting soldiers. They’re also taking a peek at:
- Ukrainian medical staff allegedly cooking up weapons of mass destruction (no evidence presented, folks).
- Citizens from Britain, the U.S., Canada, the Netherlands, and Georgia—apparently, all got on the list!
- Eight criminal cases are opened against attacks on Russian embassies across Europe—think of it as a global “FBI report” on the geopolitical playground.
Who’s Joining the Legal Braves?
Bastrykin says they’re not just playing solo. The committee’s plan for an international tribunal is to enlist a quirky mix of allies: Bolivia, Iran, Syria, and a bunch from the Commonwealth of Independent States, the Collective Security Treaty Organisation, BRICS, and the Shanghai Cooperation Organisation. Because who doesn’t love a good international potluck of justice?
The Big Picture: Why the West Is Not Involved
Since February’s “special military operation,” Moscow has been dropping bombs that blur the line between a real estate developer and a demolition crew. Ukrainian reports claim tens of thousands of civilians have been lost, a figure Moscow refuses to believe. Meanwhile, reports of Ukrainian mistreatment of Russian POWs linger like a bad sequel—most accusations tend to point to Russian wildlife.
As the United States and “40+ other countries” busily coordinate their own “peace‑keeping” investigations, Bastrykin is basically shouting: “Let’s bring in the East!” It’s a calculated swirl of politics, a punchline that’s half serious and half satire.
