The Wild Side of Parenting: When Your Child Turns Into a Booger‑Throwing Champion
When it comes to being the “fun parent” for my three‑year‑old daughter, I’ve got a pretty solid reputation in the household. Picture this: I’m hoisting her like a runaway sack of potatoes—yes, I actually toss her onto the back of a truck, which in our case is the king‑size bed. The kid’s giggles are off the charts, and it’s honestly the kind of moment that textbooks would probably want to dignify with a caption.
Musical Misfires
I also take the role of guitarist, delivering a heartfelt rendition of songs she’s “learned” in school. My version? A mash‑up of Happy Birthday and a very upbeat scrolling device. It sounds something like, “…if you’re happy and you know it / and you wanna be ironic / if you’re happy and you know it…CRY BOO‑HOO!!”. The kids never ask if I’m trying to pass off a new genre of experimental children’s music.
Peek‑A‑Booger: The Ultimate Brain‑Teaser
Seriously, all of us made this game a part of our routine. Although, if you’re aiming to be the champ, you need to meticulously craft a smug surprise and unfurl a damp booger in a way that terrifies your little opponent. In truth, there’s rarely a victor in a real Peek‑A‑Booger face‑off. The only winners are the ones who realize they’re supposed to be crushing on humour, not actual boogers.
The “Responsibility” Moment
While I’m “just having a blast,” my wife—the designated “Not‑the‑Fun‑Parent”—has a different outlook. She believes in a more balanced approach, realistic in usually‑most‑parents‑would‑experience‑happiness‑but‑often‑go‑in‑different‑directions type of dynamics. She feels that, since we’re the sole guardians and JJ has no siblings, we must encourage her to socialize with kids in her “real” age bracket. The reason? Our little one should learn that the real number of friends outside the family can be beneficial.
Long‑Term Lessons
I grew up in the 1970s and 1980s, and let’s be honest—my parents never asked me to “remind” me that shared play sessions were akin to a developmental skill. They just had a good old “kids should just play.”
Back then, social skills might have been a less dominant focus; perhaps a fish wouldn’t be taught to swim or a child taught to use boogers for entertainment. But times have changed. Teaching our little ones to respect boundaries, nurture play skills, and build empathy can be an essential element of life.
However, one could also fault the “info hazard” model—if we teach them strict social norms now, one danger is that we risk ignorance; children who grow up in a more inclusive environment may have higher tolerance of booger‑based play. These are essential points—subject to further debate.
So without any playdates, I would play with whoever was in my immediate vicinity. Sometimes it was my older brother, and sometimes it was an inverted mop pretending to be a stick-thin, dirty-haired girl. Most of the time, I played all by myself – which might explain my lack of social skills and predilection for booger-themed contests.
So when my wife mooted the idea of arranging for playdates with other children, my very first thought was: Woohoo! More boogers!
My second thought was: Does this mean I have to socialise with their adult parents??!
I know, I know – playdates are usually so much fun for the children, and it gives them an opportunity to hone their social skills by interacting with someone other than their own overgrown child of a father. But is it just me or is there frequently an excessive air of “politeness” whenever parents get together for their children’s playdates? We often seem to go out of our way to accommodate the whims and fancies of the child that’s not our own.
For example, if during a playdate, my daughter JJ whacks her playmate on his head with Thomas the Tank Engine, the right and noble thing for his father to do would be to challenge me to a death-duel, so as to avenge this locomotive assault on his son.
But instead, the father would more likely excuse JJ’s bad behaviour by asking his offspring: “Did you try to take away JJ’s Thomas the Train? Is that why she’s upset and hit you with it?”
Or, if the playdating boy does indeed wrestle Thomas the Train from a hapless JJ, I still might feel compelled to jump to his defence, exhorting such motherhood statements like “It’s ok, JJ, let’s share.” Or, “JJ, sharing is caring.”
(Aside: I never really understood that phrase – Sharing is caring. Because sharing is not always caring. Sometimes sharing is just plain evil. Like when you have the Hand Foot Mouth Disease.)
Parents also have a knack of not acknowledging the abilities of their own children while in front of another parent. We often dismiss our children’s developing skills and talents when other parents praise them. If someone were to remark that JJ’s sense of speech is developing so well and her vocabulary is so rich, I might quickly fashion it into a downside:
“She’s so talkative and she just won’t listen!” Or I might employ a humble pivot by redirecting our attention back to the other child: “Yes, her enunciation is remarkable… but I wished she could bounce up and down on the sofa non-stop for 20 minutes like your little boy can!”
Perhaps it has got to do with our Asian aversion to anything remotely boastful or confrontational. So much so that while our children are thoroughly enjoying their playdates – including those painful but passing episodes of train snatching and head smacking – the parents would often spend those same hours playing awkwardly nice.
We would spend the whole time treading gingerly around the happily playing children, ready to pounce at the first instance of a potential brawl or brag.
Playdates really doesn’t have to be such a stressful affair for us. Which is why I’m on a personal mission to try and make playdates more relaxing and fun for parents. I’m starting a club to rally like-minded mothers and fathers together.
We’ll connect with each other via a virtual network, in a safe and virtual space where we can be loud and quarrelsome with other adult parents should we feel wronged or harassed. We can also use this same space to praise our children freely, showcasing videos and photographs of every small feat they accomplish.
I think I’ll call it: Social Media.
This article was first published in The Singapore Women’s Weekly.
parentsChildren and YouthDating/Relationships
