When Moms Are Too Strict, Kids Turn to Booze: A Surprising Twist on Perfectionism
Think strict moms always produce well‑behaved kids? Think again. A recent study from Arizona State University has found that when mothers push kids to hit impossible standards, those kids may end up drinking alcohol as a way to cope with feeling “perfect”‑ish. No, parents didn’t mean to set a bar for cocktail recipes!
Key Findings from the Study
- Researchers surveyed 419 university students in a mix of questionnaires on parenting, depression, and alcohol use.
- Students who grew up with authoritarian moms (i.e., “must‑be‑perfect” policy) reported higher levels of something called perfectionist discrepancy. This is the frustration you feel when your goals sit somewhere on the far side of your ideal self.
- Higher discrepancy tied directly to both more depressive symptoms and more alcohol consumption. The link? People turn to a drink to dull the sting of disappointment.
- Curiously, strict dads encouraged high standards but didn’t correlate with depression or drinking. The researchers think dads’ “tough love” feels more like a safety net rather than a leash.
Why Moms Might Be Different
“We can only speculate that demanded obedience by fathers operates differently than demanded obedience by mothers,” the authors said. It could be that moms’ strictness comes across more as pressure than protection. Maybe it’s a case of “if you don’t meet my expectations, I’ll be disappointed” versus “if you’re struggling, I’ll be there to guide you.”
Study Inspiration – A Real‑World Look at Prevention
Dr. Julie A. Patock‑Peckham got a kick out of watching her own students’ lives spiral as tiny scientific engineers with big dreams turned to hangovers. “The stress of exams can trigger depression and anxiety,” she noted. Her lab’s “tech‑savvy perfectionists” were especially prone to alcohol as a crutch, fearing even a single miss‑step in their grades or presentations.
What Should Parents Take Away?
Forget the “strict” label. It’s about finding a sweet spot between high expectations and supportive flexibility. That’s where authoritative parenting shines.
Try These Simple, Super‑Effective Steps
- Listen & Engage: While you’re still the boss, make time to really tune in. Let your child voice concerns or brainstorm ideas. It builds respect and affection.
- Set Clear, Reasonable Boundaries: Rules matter, but explain why. Goals should feel achievable. “Sleep early so you grow tall” is far kinder than the echoing “Bedtime, now!” command.
- Use Natural Consequences, Not Corporal Punish: If your child keeps gaming past bedtime, remove that privilege for a day. Ask, “What could you do differently to balance sleep and gaming?” This rolls them into problem‑solving, not just obedience.
- Celebrate Wins: Stickers, charts, or whatever the child chooses as a reward work. Celebrating progress increases motivation.
Strict moms risk creating a hidden generation of adults who’ll rely on alcohol to patch up “imperfection.” In contrast, the authoritative route promotes confidence, independence, and a healthier relationship with success.
In a Nutshell
Setting high standards is fine—just remember to pair them with compassion and clarity. It’s the difference between pushing a child to the edge of the podium and letting them shine from the back of the classroom.
So, if you’re a mom (or dad) looking for a lighter path, throw away that “strict” playbook and embrace the authoritative scoop. Your kid will thank you, and you’ll avoid turning the family pantry into a storage for midnight refills.
