A Rough Call to Love: Steven Lim’s Journey to Coming Out
For most folks, keeping a slice of their personal life off‑limits to their parents feels like a normal part of growing up. But if that border starts to feel like a brick wall, the whole relationship can cramp its space. Steven Lim, best known as the younger brother David Tay from the nostalgic “90s hit Growing Up, found himself in just that situation. A couple of decades back, he chose to break the silence and share the most personal part of himself with his family: that he identifies as gay.
In a chat with AsiaOne for his newest role in the Singaporean trailblazer “Getaway”—the first gay boy‑love drama—he opened up:
I was in love with someone and couldn’t talk to my parents about it. It felt like a secret passed from one whisper to the next. “Oh my God, I met this amazing guy,” I thought, but I kept it under lock‑and‑key.
As I got older, that distance kept growing. I watched my adult life unfold without my parents sharing the highs or the lows. “I wanted them to know everything, to close that gap,” I said.
He recalls that his coming‑out experience was, on balance, quite positive. With only a few bumps along the road, he says it never felt like a hard slap in the face.
Back then, his family—who live in Malaysia—had already met his boyfriend and accepted him as part of the family, though they never used the word “boyfriend.”
Interestingly, Steven didn’t need to introduce himself to his old university pals; they knew him early on. “They even hugged me on my birthday, saying, ‘We know,’” he chuckled.
Earlier in 2019, Dear Straight People documented him in a steady, five‑year partnership. Fast forward now, and he’s currently solo, but he frames this period as “just a part of the journey.” He says relationships may grow together or apart, yet the love never loses its sparkle. “I’m an incurable romantic at heart, so I’ll keep believing in love,” he emphasizes.
Key Takeaways
- Breaking the silence can close emotional distances with family.
- Acceptance from family doesn’t always involve labels—sometimes it’s just “here’s my friend.”
- Life’s love stories may change, but the essence of connection remains beautiful.
Steven’s story reminds us that honesty, even if it feels like a leap, can bring warmth—and sometimes a few bumps—into a life already full of love.
Being a gay actor in Singapore
Steven’s Journey: A Life in Light and Shadows
Keeping Secrets in a Compact City
Back in Singapore, Steven was careful to keep his personal life under wraps. He wasn’t out publicly, and he said, “I don’t think anybody was.” Life in Singapore felt like a tightrope walk—every step had to be measured. In a place where privacy is a precious currency, Steven’s discretion was part of his everyday survival.
When the Press Comes Knocking
“If the press asks, ‘Do you have a girlfriend?’, I’ll answer, ‘No, I don’t.’ And if they follow up, ‘So you’re single?’, I’ll say, ‘I’m not single.’” The key was maintaining boundaries without spelling out his sexuality. The Singapore media turned out to be surprisingly respectful—a gentle collaboration rather than a paparazzi frenzy.
Why That Matters
- Showcases a respectful press culture in Singapore
- Highlights the importance of personal privacy for public figures
- Demonstrates Steven’s confidence in navigating sensitive topics
From Singapore to London: A 14-Year Adventure
After his stint in Growing Up, Steven headed north to the London Academy of Music and Dramatic Art. He spent 14 years in the capital, soaking up opportunities and polishing his craft.
What the London Years Brought
- Exposure to diverse theatrical styles
- Networking with actors and directors from around the globe
- Time to reflect on identity and role choices
Bangkok: Café, Restaurant, and Side Hustle
Fast forward to today—Steven has settled in Bangkok, where he runs Luka Bangkok and Luka/Quince at Siri House. While his coffee beans and menu boards have their own business rhythms, he still keeps acting and photography in the mix, balancing his artistic heart with entrepreneurial hustle.
On the Screen: Shaping Stories
Rewind to 2016, and we find Steven starring in the local gay drama People Like Us. He also delivered a touching performance on Getaway, portraying a conventional father that clashes with his son’s sexuality—an emotional tug-of-war that resonated with many.
Why These Roles Matter
- Provides representation for underseen narratives
- Challenges traditional family dynamics in media
- Highlights actors’ versatility across genres
A Nation’s Growth, One Show at a Time
Steven openly expressed, “It’s about time this show was made in Singapore.” He believes this kind of storytelling is essential for a modern, inclusive Singapore. While in Thailand the audience is huge—about 80 viewers a year for this genre—he joked he’d love the film to have arrived 30 years ago to get a bigger role as a “young thing.”
Adding a Touch of Humor
- ‘If I had been part of the cast 30 years ago, I’d’ve been the star of the show loud enough to hear in the amphitheater.’
- Humor to lighten complex discussions
Wrap-Up: A Life That Balances Art, Identity, and Business
Steven’s story is a testament to courage, adaptability, and the art of balancing personal truth with public life. From Singapore’s subtle warnings to London’s award‑winning stages, and now Bangkok’s bustling café culture—he’s carved a niche that showcases his artistry while staying true to who he is.
“It’s never too little too late”
Section 377A: Singapore’s Legal Cheese‑Catcher Gets a Touch of Reality
When it comes to laws that stretch the imagination—like the infamous Section 377A that criminalises same‑sex relations—Singapore has always been a place where debate sparks like fireworks on a quiet night. This year, the conversation has only intensified, and, as Steven puts it, the real change is simple: take it out of the book.
The Chewing‑Gum Lesson
Steven drew a curious parallel between this Big Law and Singapore’s much‑trolled chewing‑gum ban.
- Small, everyday item. Chewing gum might look trivial, but it was once a national taboo.
- Bold “No”. The government declared it a no‑go, and the result? A cultural shift that proved a tiny bite could bite the big apple.
- Rule‑bending power. If you can ban a little piece of rubber, you can retrench a whole societal norm.
In short, if a city can ditch gum, maybe it can ditch a whole piece of history that’s no longer fit for its people.
Parliament’s Quiet Reckoning
Fast‑forward to March: Law Minister K Shanmugam stepped onto the parliamentary stage and addressed this century‑older law. His take is worth noting:
“When we decide to move forward, we’ll do so responsibly—balancing viewpoints, avoiding sudden upheaval, and keeping society’s expectations in check. Policies evolve with the times; legislation must follow suit.”
— Law Minister K Shanmugam
March, Parliament, Singapore
The key here is “balance”. Singapore’s reputation for steady governance means that a sudden flip‑flop on a legacy law could cause more turbulence than any chewing‑gum ban ever did.
When Every Voice Matters
Steven, who has chased this conversation for years, believes that talking keeps the change healthy.
- No “too late”. Discussions may land on today’s news, but the goal remains the same.
- Progress is friend‑friendly. Even a late conversation can stir the necessary warmth to pivot the policy.
- Legacy of 1965 still echoes. The law has existed since before Singapore’s independence, so it’s understandable that it remains etched into the public mind.
Getaway: A Light‑Hearted Lens on Identity
Outside the courtroom, another story is unfolding on screen. “Getaway”, a Singaporean drama starring Sam (Sean Foo), follows a character, Steven, who’s forced to leave after telling his conservative dad about his sexuality. He passes through Bangkok in search of his estranged gay uncle for guidance—but a chance meeting with a local snooker guru, Top, turns into something surprisingly different.
All episodes are streaming on YouTube, and the creators are rallying a crowd‑funded campaign for the second season. In a way, this series mirrors the real‑world politics around Section 377A:
- Identity clashes with tradition. The character’s journey reflects the struggles many face with family, culture, and the law.
- Hope in unexpected places. Whether it’s a joke about chewing gum or a snooker match, findings can come from the least expected corners.
- Stories fuel societal change. A bit like Parliament’s speeches, each narrative small yet powerful enough to influence public sentiment.
Final Word
In a world that’s always sliding, Singapore’s Section 377A remains a symbol of how built‑in laws can still be peeled off—just like gum. The debates, the parliamentary caution, and the heartfelt moral tales in “Getaway” all share the same goal: a world where people hold each other’s truths not by law, but by love.
For those keen to follow the conversation—or just want the next episode of “Getaway”—contact [email protected] to catch the latest updates.
