Our Unexpected Adventure: The Story of Rachel, Our Autistic Darling
We’re a Singaporean couple who swapped the hawker stalls of Marina Bay for the plush hills of New Zealand. Why? Because our little girl, Rachel*, needed a supportive environment that would respect her unique learning style. And because we wanted a change of scenery after years of globe‑trotting between China and the US.
The Early Years
- 17 years ago, we rescued a tiny bundle of joy—Rachel—from a Chinese orphanage.
- At that time, we were dreamers: “By age 25, we’ll have four kids.” Yet pure biology was not on our side.
- After discovering that adoption could be our route, we dove into research, reading up on every little detail.
Rachel’s Diagnosis and the Decision to Move
Rachel was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) when she was still a toddler. Though she’s high‑functioning, the rigid classroom culture and exam‑driven system in Singapore simply couldn’t accommodate her quirks.
We believed that a different setting—ideally a place with flexible learning options—would be a lifesaver. That led us to the United States, and eventually to the idyllic, child‑friendly landscapes of New Zealand.
How We Stayed Connected to Singapore Law
Even though we’re living abroad, we had to ensure our adoption was legit back home. That’s when Touch Community Services (TCS) stepped in. They guided us step‑by‑step through the rigorous Singapore adoption framework.
Tip: If you’re considering adoption, do your homework—research, read, and lean on experts. It saved us a lot of heart‑ache.
The Clunky, Yet Caring, Process
- Only two approved Chinese orphanages were available for adoption at the time.
- We registered our interest with TCS, expressing a simple wish—to adopt a little girl (infant‑age) to build that instant bond.
- Before we could adopt, we had to prove our psychological readiness: a sort of “emotional fitness test.”
- The sheer thoroughness of it forced us to look inward and confront: “Can we truly give this child the love, patience, and support she needs?” This introspection was a blessing.
Getting Ready for the Big Day
Once the adoption paperwork was done, TCS introduced us to.
- Seminars on child bonding.
- Support groups with other adoptions.
- Books detailing everything from “how to talk about adoption” to “how to help a child thrive.”
The experience taught us that love goes beyond biology—it’s about dedication, understanding, and yes, a bit of humor to keep the journey light.
Final Thought
Adoption isn’t just a formal process; it’s a heartfelt promise. If you’re on the fence, take the plunge—research, prepare, and remember: the world is full of potential families waiting for a chance to grow together.
Maternal instincts
From Paperwork to a Heartbeat: My Adoptive Journey
Almost 18 months went by from the moment we filed the paperwork to the day the Chinese government gave us the green light to travel straight to meet our little girl. Time, that sneaky traveler, slipped past us so quickly.
When the First Name Saw the World
The instant I met my daughter, I’d already felt the deep, unmistakable tug that says “you’re a mom” in your bones. For me, it was the biggest unforgettable moment—no pregnancy, no weight gain, no nine‑month belly bulge—to tie it all together, but it still felt just as real.
Quick‑Start Maternal Instincts
- Talking and listening about a baby’s growth—like a long‑term relationship with a future kid.
- Instincts kicking in: “Hold her, nurture her, give her everything.”
- When I chose Rachel, it was a conscious decision, and the instant she was in my arms, the love detonated.
I was swamped with work and travel, so guilt lingered—was I spending enough time with her? Rachel was 17 months old when we finally brought her home, after all the citizenship hoops. The orphanage set-up had already started a bit of separation anxiety in her.
Adoptive Motherhood: The Missing Links
We wish there were smoother processes for adoptive moms. Thanks to new policies, you get 12 weeks of paid leave if the kid is under one year old at the time of intent. But for Rachel, the age slid past the point, and many child‑benefit schemes evaporated on arrival.
We could afford speech therapy, occupational therapy, and more—a luxury some families might not have. The first few months were a real hustle, but like every new parent, we adapted.
Developmental Roadblocks That Still Surprise
When Rachel hit two and a half, we discovered developmental challenges that surprised us, given the bright, cute little lady she is today.
What People Say vs. What It Feels Like
Neighbors and friends offered praise— “Wow, this adoption is noble! You’re giving a child a great life.” Reality? I felt blessed and privileged, a stark contrast from an altruistic motive. Adoption was my craving to be a mother, not just a moral gesture.
Takeaway: The 12‑Week Love Break
Adoptive moms deserve that full bonding time. The world should keep improving support—so every child, everywhere, can grow under the caring, heat‑filled arms of their parents.
The inevitable question
Finding Roots While Living the Dream
Every adoptive family has a unique moment when a child looks inside out and wishes to know where she came from. This is the time we faced head‑on, armed with a mix of curiosity, nerves and a strong sense of love.
Growing Up Open About Adoption
From day one, we told Rachel that she was adopted. She grew up believing that was the norm; it became part of her story until school made her wonder: “Who did I actually come from?”
A Delve into the Past
- When school started, the question popped up—had we overshared, or was this a hint from her?
- We went through the process with a practical, calm mindset. We didn’t know what to expect, but we knew this was a step we had to take together.
- There’s a touch of terror in navigating unknown territory, but we found in it a huge blessing.
Adventure in the Village of Birth
At 11 years old, we traveled to the little village where Rachel was born. She looked around, then rolled her eyes at the coffee pots and noodles, telling us that her life here—and that massive “all‑different” world—would never have existed had she stayed.
Closing Circles with Biological Parents
We found Rachel’s birth parents—a feat no one expects to accomplish smoothly. The contact we made didn’t lead to a meeting, but it gave Rachel the closure she needed. Talking loved ones out there is not always the final act; sometimes the bedside session is enough.
Friends, School and Kenya
Rachel currently thrives on school life and the company of friends. She has strong bonds with the grandparents in Singapore—good vibes, good heart!
Tradition In Seattle
While we absorbed her new culture, we also sprinkle her life with our old traditions: making pineapple tarts for Chinese New Year, sharing stories over homemade scones, and laughing until tears swoosh.
Missing a Sibling?
We had set our sights on an alternate adoption, but Rachel’s life had made us focus more on her. She may be missing a sibling, but every day we revel in the ridiculously joyful moments that remind us we “did the right thing.”
Photographs vs. Videotapes
In hindsight, we wish we’d brought a video camera the day we met Rachel. The laugh‑track would have become a soundtrack for the memories we’d create.
Where Are We Now?
We look back to tell that we did everything right—at least, what we thought we should have done. Rachel goes forward, rooted in her family and in the world she now adds her own subtle flare to.
We keep the hope alive: one day, if the timing is right, Rachel will meet the people who first gave her breath. Until then, we focus on the everyday: school, games, pizza nights, and the endless adventure of watching her shine.
